Today was actually supposed to be FYP submission date. but it got postponed to the 22nd. Blessed, maybe?
just 4 more days and i am fearing for my life. 4 more days to D-Day. cold sweat streams down my palms as I type this.
never been this... hmmmm. intimidated before. not before hockey finals in pri sch, not before PSLE, not before O lvls, not before first day of poly, not before making my speech at polyforum.
I realized that a lot rests on my shoulders. im made to carry so much and let go of so little. yeah, main compiler of the project and whether everything goes boom or bust depends on my main webbie.
never acknowledged that i was good in programming. not dHTML or XML too. but im trying. i want to get out of RP.
know of some people who quit school because of FYP. poor amanda and her team. 3 man team originally and 2 members quit school leaving only her left. sad.
you see me smiling and beaming on the outside. but thats only a facade. the happiest people are the most tormented inside. not the first time i've mentioned this i know. some people never find out who really is the real you. they dig, they decipher and they think they know a person inside out. laughable. self-appreciation overdose.
there comes a time when you feel empty. no room for emo, no space for the world. wrist slitting so yesterday.
it all gets a little tired after a while. let rest.
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you know how you hold back something for far too long, wanting never to let it go simply because of selfishness. trying to tell the world how time would prove. begging for a speck at the end of the tunnel. it all made sense then. then one day you wake up and find that every thing's just that. nothing is ever gonna happen. you ask yourself questions. the mind commands the loosening of the grip. you let it go suddenly. never saw what's coming. the consequences are really quite severe. the never ending trials roll. the torment eviscerates. deeper and darker until you lose your way in darkness. feebly hanging on for dear life. have mercy, countess.
7:42 PM